I almost died today. Seriously. And it’s Adele’s fault. Well, not really. Okay, It was totally my fault. (For the record, Adele trying to kill me is the only exaggeration in this story.) I had been singing along with One And Only when I pulled into my garage during a quick stop at home over lunch. I kept singing at the top of my lungs as I got out of the car, and I as I walked into my kitchen from the garage, I suddenly inhaled what I imagine was the equivalent of about a teaspoon of my own saliva! I started to gasp and cough, but then I couldn’t even cough. I was not breathing! And I was home alone. I truly thought it was the end for me. For real.
They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. Honestly, in that moment when I really couldn’t breathe, I was only focused on the fact that I couldn’t breathe and how I could save myself (possibly proving I wasn’t actually dying). Then eventually, after what felt like an hour, I was able to get a little air and start coughing again (harder and harder, I might add). That’s when my mind started oscillating between two thoughts: “I’m going to throw up from coughing so hard!” and “My son and the sitter are going to come home in a few hours to find me dead on the kitchen floor.” I was still panicking. But I was much more worried about my 8-yr-old finding his mother dead in his own home than I was throwing up. It was so scary.
The breathing got a little easier, then I started coughing wet horrible-sounding coughs as I expelled the fluid from my lungs. I couldn’t believe it. In reality, I don’t know that the spit even really made it to my lungs since I was obviously choking which I think means it was in my trachea, right? Whatever. It was scary as hell!
So I texted my husband about the episode. We agreed (well, I established) that he’s lucky to be married to someone with my gracefulness and for the first time since knowing him I could see why he fell so deeply in love with me. He sent me back a picture of an elderly lady wearing an emergency alert necklace.